Thankful Thursday

Welcome to "Thankful Thursday," a post that I am going to try to do weekly.  I love the above graphic.  I think it kind of looks like me (ha).  I know it has the letters "ic" over the image, but I stole it off the internet so I'll take what I can get. 

I'm thankful for...
- Mike, especially when he gets up with Ava in the night when she wants to goof around.
- my family, for being supportive and encouraging during my lows.
- a HEALTHY baby.  Ava is a growing girl, and I love her chub!
- a flexible work schedule, that allows me to stay home with my sweet baby everyday.

*Disclaimer:  I know I've been in kind of a blog funk, where I mostly dish about all the struggles I'm facing.  I am trying to blog more about the great things in my life.  But you know what?  This is MY blog.  Don't get me wrong, I love talking about my fabulous baby girl.  But no one wants to hear about the not-so-great times of a new baby.  So this is my outlet.  This is my stress release.  And if you don't like it, then don't read it.  Thank you.  Enough said.

So What Wednesday

I am stealing a couple ideas from another blog (http://butterfliesandheaveneyes.blogspot.com).  Welcome "So What Wednesdays" and "Thankful Thursdays." 

So What If I...
-stay awake while Ava naps.  I rarely do it, but sometimes I need a moment to myself.
-haven't unpacked from last weekend.  Maybe I'll just leave it packed and bring it this weekend too.
-only get dressed when I have to go somewhere, and put my pj's back on when I get home.  It's no fun to snuggle and play with a baby when you're wearing jeans.
-let my four month old baby lick a popsicle today.  It was only a few licks, and she loved it! 

Stay tuned tomorrow for Thankful Thursday.

Ava's World

A glimpse into Ava's World
Beginning Monday evening
8pm - eat and goes to bed
9:30pm - wakes up, rocked back to sleep
1am - wakes up and eats
4am - wakes up and eats
6:30am (Tuesday morning) - wakes up and rocked back to sleep
7:45am - wakes up and eats
9am - get dressed, plays, watches Sesame Street
9:55am - falls a sleep for nap
10:30am - awakes from nap, eats
11:30 - Mall with Mom
2pm - falls a sleep for nap
2:25pm - awake and eats
3:30pm - grocery store w/Daddy, Momma naps (wonder why), 
5:45 to 6:15pm - nap
6:30pm - eats
7:15pm - bath
8:30pm (Tuesday evening) - eats and falls a sleep
10:45pm - awakes and eats, back to sleep
2:20am - awakes and eats, back to sleep
4am - awakes and the morning goes downhill from here, tried 30 minutes to letting her cry it out, tried rocking and finally falls back to sleep at 5:30am for 30 minutes
6:45am - awakes and eats, back to sleep til 8:45am

Ava has been on this schedule for about two weeks now.  And that, my friends, is why I'm tired.  I've been researching ways to get her to sleep through the night again.  Almost all involve "crying it out" which is exhausting for everyone.  I could manage the nights better if she took lengthy naps during the day.  But three 30 minute naps don't give me much rest.  I'm hoping she switches back to sleeping through the night any night now....

Daddy/Daughter Day

Yesterday was Daddy/Daughter Day.  I had to re-certify my trauma nursing certification, which means I had to be gone from 7:30am to 4pm.  You've heard the sob story about how my family isn't here so I don't have any babysitters, so Mike stayed home from work.  Of course, everything went just fine.  Mike had a great time and thought it was so easy.  I was happy that it went fine, but it made me feel bad to know that I don't always have as easy of a time.  I was almost hoping that it would be tough for Mike, so he could appreciate how much effort I give everyday to make sure Ava's needs are met.  When I'm at work I text and call Mike a few times to see how things are going.  He rarely responds and it irritates me.  I think I have a right to know what and how Ava is doing.  Plus it makes me feel better at work knowing that she's happy.  Anyways, I can tell today that Mike didn't stick to Ava's schedule of eat-play-sleep yesterday.  She has been backwards all day.  I love that she is able to have Daddy time though.  Mike is so cute with her and you can tell she loves being around him. 

Two nights ago we transitioned Ava from sleeping in her swing to sleeping in a pack and play.  She seemed to do fine, not spitting up and choking like she used to.  Last night we freed her from the swaddle.  She also seemed to do fine without that.  She looked so adorable when she fell asleep - both arms up next to her ears.  I wanted to take a picture but was afraid of waking her up.  For almost a week now she has been up every 2-3 hours in the night which is unusual for her.  I thought that I might as well do these couple transitions when she isn't sleeping good.  Last night was better, waking up every 3 hours.  I have no problem with her waking up to eat.  Then it's a quick meal, burp, and back to bed  - all usually within 50 minutes.  But when she wakes up and it's not time to eat... I can't deal with that.  In the middle of the night when it's cold, I'm sleepy, Mike and Darrell are cuddled up in bed.... I have no energy to brainstorm ways to get her back to sleep.  Thankfully she's a happy baby during the day!

Godparents

Ava's Godparents have been chosen.  It was such a hard decision for me.  I think that Godparents should be a married couple, but it makes more sense to choose one person from each side of the family.  To me, a Godparent is so much more than the old fashioned "you'll take care of me if my parents die" type thing.  Here are the expectations I have of Ava's Godparents:
- be a positive role model for her
- teach her about God and her Catholic faith
- buy her an extra Christmas present (just kidding, but my Godparents always did!)

And without further a do... 
Godmother: Brooke Pischke

 Godfather: Shannon McGinn

Sick & Tired

In a bad mood... again.  Still adjusting to this new life.  Today we went to a friend's house to watch the Iowa game.  Can't help but feel like Mike's take-along babysitter.  I guess it's called a mom.  He gets to drink and hang out while I sit upstairs and feed Ava.  Mike volunteers to give Ava a bottle but I still have to pump so it doesn't save me much time.  Don't get me wrong, I'm totally pro-BF and I am proud of myself for doing it, but... it is so time consuming.  I feel so tied down.  I've been sick the past two days and I can't even take the medication I need because it's not safe for Ava. 

I'm just having one of those days where life seems so unfair.  I was talking with my co-workers last night and one said, "My mother watches my kids every monday and friday morning so I can nap," "My aunt takes my daughter on Thursdays so I can sleep," "My cousin watched our son last night so we could go out."  It makes me sick when I hear things like this.  I never get to nap longer than 30 minutes at a time, no matter how often I was up the night before.  Mike and I will never get to go out as a couple (I have trust issues with babysitting - but that's a whole other blog post).  We are going at this parenting thing alone.  And the pressure I feel as a mom makes me feel like I'm in it alone.  I can't drop Ava off at my parents when I need a break.  I don't have Brooke or Leah here to talk to (it's different to be able to talk to someone in person versus over the phone).  At first I thought that raising a child without having my family in town to help would be empowering... like it would be cool to do it all on our own... but I hate it more each day.  I can't believe I live here.  When did I make this choice?  I would move home tomorrow if I could.  I've thought about packing up my car and going, and dealing with the consequences later.  Who cares if I get fired?  I could find a job in Sioux City and have tons of babysitters.  Mike could come visit us on the weekends if he's not on board with my plan.  I would be happier there, Ava would be happier there, and Darrell would be happier there.  

Oh I need to quit blogging when I'm sick and tired.  People are going to whispering about me.

Daddy to the rescue!

A couple days ago I felt my sinuses starting to act up.  Oh no!  I got my flu shot at work and shortly after I started to feel off (I know it can't make you feel sick that fast, but I'm just saying).  Yesterday when I got off work I felt like butt.  Symptoms: nasal congestion, sore throat, sinus pain/pressure, nausea, cough.  I started researching meds online that I could take while breastfeeding.  Not many!  So I'm suffering on Tylenol, which doesn't do much. 

To make matters worse, Ava is on a kick of waking up every 2-3 hours in the night for the past 2 nights.  This past week she's learned how to babble, so when she wakes up in the night she just talks and laughs and chats with herself.  One time we laid her in her crib because she was keeping us awake, and she talked to the wall for 45 minutes, completely entertained.  I hope last night was the last night of this, and she'll sleep good again tonight.
 
This morning Ava was up at 5am (previously up at 3am and I put her back to bed at 3:45).  I felt like someone had kicked me in the head.  Oh I almost barfed.  Mike offered to stay home, which he offers often but I've never accepted.  Today I took him up on his offer.  He stayed up with Ava and I went back to bed until 9:30am.  It was awesome, just what I needed.  He went into work at 10 and I took over.  Today has been good so far.  Baby-world doesn't stop revolving, even when Momma's sick.  There are still bottles to scrub, clothes to wash, errands to run, diapers to change, mouth to feed, etc.  We have a weekend at home this week, so I'm hoping I can enjoy it!

Nap

Yesterday Ava was unusually fussy when I was trying to get her asleep for her afternoon nap.  I did the usual white noise, rock, swaddle, pacifier but she was screaming bloody murder and fighting sleep.  Finally after about ten minutes, after I was partially deaf and at my wits end, I decided to lay her in her crib and give her some alone time.  So I laid her down and closed her door.  She stopped crying and fell asleep within five minutes.  I kept checking on her because I couldn't believe she was asleep.  She has never slept in her crib or on her back for that matter.  She has always slept in her swing or bouncy seat because she would spit up if she was laying flat and wake herself up.  Ava slept for 40 minutes (ten minutes longer than her usual nap).  Her morning nap was 50 minutes long... maybe we're seeing a new trend here.  I hope so.  This whole situation initially made me feel like scum.  I kept thinking - I am doing everything I can to comfort this child, and she would rather lay in a crib by herself.  Selfishly, it made me mad that I couldn't fall asleep during her nap because I was worried about her in the crib.  But the more I thought about it, I realized that this was a victory in some ways.  1: Ava was able to self-soothe.  All the experts say to lay a baby down for a nap while she is partially awake so she learns to fall asleep on her own.  I've tried that a few other times and it was hugely unsuccessful.  2: Ava was able to sleep flat on her back.  Hopefully the sphincter between her esophagus and stomach is getting stronger, so she won't spit up as often.  3: Ava was able to sleep in her crib, a transition that I planned to do around five months, but may have to start sooner.  The hard part is that I am unable to sleep if I'm not in the same room as her.  I tried sleeping on the couch one night when I was mad at Mike, but I couldn't hear her breathing and I couldn't fall asleep.  I guess it will be an adjustment for me too!  Hopefully naps continue to be on the up and up.  Ava is such a happy funny baby most of the time and it makes me sad when she seems so upset.

We spent last weekend in Kansas City for Mike's brother's wedding.  It was one of the first times we went out of town without Darrell (he stayed with a friend).  I knew he was in good hands, but I really missed him.  I felt guilty because it was nice to go out of town and stay in a hotel without a dog.  It just makes it so much more stressful.  And I feel sad when I have to leave him alone in a hotel room all weekend.  Another thought that crossed my mind alot was : ... and I thought it was hard to travel with a dog.  Try a baby!  We had a car packed full of stuff for the baby.  Like usual, the whole weekend revolved around her.  If she was done with the rehearsal dinner, I left.  When she fell asleep at the reception at 6:30, I took her back to the hotel for bed.  When she was ready for a nap in the morning, we left town.  It's amazing how everything we do is determined by Ava, even though she's a 3 month old. 

Ava took her first dip in a pool at the hotel.  She appeared to enjoy it.  I think it was relaxing because she almost fell asleep.  She looked adorable in her bathing suit.  It is size 12 months but fit her perfectly.  I'm glad I didn't save it for next summer because it wouldn't of fit!

I'm starting to work more hours; about 16/week.  I feel good about myself when I can financially contribute to the family.  Although motherhood is rewarded with smiles and cooing these days, I can't help but think I should be getting paid in money for taking care of Ava all the time.  I wish I could stay home all the time but smiles and coos don't pay the bills.

Birthday Girl(s)

Happy birthday to my twin sista Brooke and to me!  Today was a great day.  Very low key which is just my style.  I went out to lunch with my daughter at Panera.  We stopped at my favorite local bakery and got cupcakes and frosted Halloween cookies.  I got to snuggle all day with my baby girl and baby dog.  I was able to take a nap when Mike got home from work.  

Here's Ava in her "back to school outfit" from Aunt Brooke.  The shirt says, "Hoot Hoot.  I'm cute."



I wanted Hy-Vee chinese for supper.  This is what Mike decided to wear....  Aren't I a lucky lady?

In case the picture doesn't do justice, he's wearing a white v-neck t-shirt (chest hair exposed), gray sweats with pockets and elastic at the ankles, black socks, athletic shoes.  He did untuck his shirt once we got there.  I know Hy-Vee isn't the classiest place to eat... but come on.  I felt like I should be getting paid to take him out, like when I worked at Systems (group home).  I have to admit he is quite adorable!

It's really hard being away from my sister on our birthday.  It's just not quite the same unless she's around to celebrate.  Days like today make me miss my family.  I just want to be able to go to my parent's house and chat or have my brother and sister over for supper.  Boo, I don't like to dwell on this but it's always on my mind. 

It's 8:20pm.  Ava is in bed and Mike is asleep on the couch.  When does my wild birthday party start?

La la la I'm 28 now.  Last year was such rush, and I have a feeling this year will be even more fantastic!