Thankful Thursday

Welcome to "Thankful Thursday," a post that I am going to try to do weekly.  I love the above graphic.  I think it kind of looks like me (ha).  I know it has the letters "ic" over the image, but I stole it off the internet so I'll take what I can get. 

I'm thankful for...
- Mike, especially when he gets up with Ava in the night when she wants to goof around.
- my family, for being supportive and encouraging during my lows.
- a HEALTHY baby.  Ava is a growing girl, and I love her chub!
- a flexible work schedule, that allows me to stay home with my sweet baby everyday.

*Disclaimer:  I know I've been in kind of a blog funk, where I mostly dish about all the struggles I'm facing.  I am trying to blog more about the great things in my life.  But you know what?  This is MY blog.  Don't get me wrong, I love talking about my fabulous baby girl.  But no one wants to hear about the not-so-great times of a new baby.  So this is my outlet.  This is my stress release.  And if you don't like it, then don't read it.  Thank you.  Enough said.

So What Wednesday

I am stealing a couple ideas from another blog (http://butterfliesandheaveneyes.blogspot.com).  Welcome "So What Wednesdays" and "Thankful Thursdays." 

So What If I...
-stay awake while Ava naps.  I rarely do it, but sometimes I need a moment to myself.
-haven't unpacked from last weekend.  Maybe I'll just leave it packed and bring it this weekend too.
-only get dressed when I have to go somewhere, and put my pj's back on when I get home.  It's no fun to snuggle and play with a baby when you're wearing jeans.
-let my four month old baby lick a popsicle today.  It was only a few licks, and she loved it! 

Stay tuned tomorrow for Thankful Thursday.

Ava's World

A glimpse into Ava's World
Beginning Monday evening
8pm - eat and goes to bed
9:30pm - wakes up, rocked back to sleep
1am - wakes up and eats
4am - wakes up and eats
6:30am (Tuesday morning) - wakes up and rocked back to sleep
7:45am - wakes up and eats
9am - get dressed, plays, watches Sesame Street
9:55am - falls a sleep for nap
10:30am - awakes from nap, eats
11:30 - Mall with Mom
2pm - falls a sleep for nap
2:25pm - awake and eats
3:30pm - grocery store w/Daddy, Momma naps (wonder why), 
5:45 to 6:15pm - nap
6:30pm - eats
7:15pm - bath
8:30pm (Tuesday evening) - eats and falls a sleep
10:45pm - awakes and eats, back to sleep
2:20am - awakes and eats, back to sleep
4am - awakes and the morning goes downhill from here, tried 30 minutes to letting her cry it out, tried rocking and finally falls back to sleep at 5:30am for 30 minutes
6:45am - awakes and eats, back to sleep til 8:45am

Ava has been on this schedule for about two weeks now.  And that, my friends, is why I'm tired.  I've been researching ways to get her to sleep through the night again.  Almost all involve "crying it out" which is exhausting for everyone.  I could manage the nights better if she took lengthy naps during the day.  But three 30 minute naps don't give me much rest.  I'm hoping she switches back to sleeping through the night any night now....

Daddy/Daughter Day

Yesterday was Daddy/Daughter Day.  I had to re-certify my trauma nursing certification, which means I had to be gone from 7:30am to 4pm.  You've heard the sob story about how my family isn't here so I don't have any babysitters, so Mike stayed home from work.  Of course, everything went just fine.  Mike had a great time and thought it was so easy.  I was happy that it went fine, but it made me feel bad to know that I don't always have as easy of a time.  I was almost hoping that it would be tough for Mike, so he could appreciate how much effort I give everyday to make sure Ava's needs are met.  When I'm at work I text and call Mike a few times to see how things are going.  He rarely responds and it irritates me.  I think I have a right to know what and how Ava is doing.  Plus it makes me feel better at work knowing that she's happy.  Anyways, I can tell today that Mike didn't stick to Ava's schedule of eat-play-sleep yesterday.  She has been backwards all day.  I love that she is able to have Daddy time though.  Mike is so cute with her and you can tell she loves being around him. 

Two nights ago we transitioned Ava from sleeping in her swing to sleeping in a pack and play.  She seemed to do fine, not spitting up and choking like she used to.  Last night we freed her from the swaddle.  She also seemed to do fine without that.  She looked so adorable when she fell asleep - both arms up next to her ears.  I wanted to take a picture but was afraid of waking her up.  For almost a week now she has been up every 2-3 hours in the night which is unusual for her.  I thought that I might as well do these couple transitions when she isn't sleeping good.  Last night was better, waking up every 3 hours.  I have no problem with her waking up to eat.  Then it's a quick meal, burp, and back to bed  - all usually within 50 minutes.  But when she wakes up and it's not time to eat... I can't deal with that.  In the middle of the night when it's cold, I'm sleepy, Mike and Darrell are cuddled up in bed.... I have no energy to brainstorm ways to get her back to sleep.  Thankfully she's a happy baby during the day!

Godparents

Ava's Godparents have been chosen.  It was such a hard decision for me.  I think that Godparents should be a married couple, but it makes more sense to choose one person from each side of the family.  To me, a Godparent is so much more than the old fashioned "you'll take care of me if my parents die" type thing.  Here are the expectations I have of Ava's Godparents:
- be a positive role model for her
- teach her about God and her Catholic faith
- buy her an extra Christmas present (just kidding, but my Godparents always did!)

And without further a do... 
Godmother: Brooke Pischke

 Godfather: Shannon McGinn

Sick & Tired

In a bad mood... again.  Still adjusting to this new life.  Today we went to a friend's house to watch the Iowa game.  Can't help but feel like Mike's take-along babysitter.  I guess it's called a mom.  He gets to drink and hang out while I sit upstairs and feed Ava.  Mike volunteers to give Ava a bottle but I still have to pump so it doesn't save me much time.  Don't get me wrong, I'm totally pro-BF and I am proud of myself for doing it, but... it is so time consuming.  I feel so tied down.  I've been sick the past two days and I can't even take the medication I need because it's not safe for Ava. 

I'm just having one of those days where life seems so unfair.  I was talking with my co-workers last night and one said, "My mother watches my kids every monday and friday morning so I can nap," "My aunt takes my daughter on Thursdays so I can sleep," "My cousin watched our son last night so we could go out."  It makes me sick when I hear things like this.  I never get to nap longer than 30 minutes at a time, no matter how often I was up the night before.  Mike and I will never get to go out as a couple (I have trust issues with babysitting - but that's a whole other blog post).  We are going at this parenting thing alone.  And the pressure I feel as a mom makes me feel like I'm in it alone.  I can't drop Ava off at my parents when I need a break.  I don't have Brooke or Leah here to talk to (it's different to be able to talk to someone in person versus over the phone).  At first I thought that raising a child without having my family in town to help would be empowering... like it would be cool to do it all on our own... but I hate it more each day.  I can't believe I live here.  When did I make this choice?  I would move home tomorrow if I could.  I've thought about packing up my car and going, and dealing with the consequences later.  Who cares if I get fired?  I could find a job in Sioux City and have tons of babysitters.  Mike could come visit us on the weekends if he's not on board with my plan.  I would be happier there, Ava would be happier there, and Darrell would be happier there.  

Oh I need to quit blogging when I'm sick and tired.  People are going to whispering about me.

Daddy to the rescue!

A couple days ago I felt my sinuses starting to act up.  Oh no!  I got my flu shot at work and shortly after I started to feel off (I know it can't make you feel sick that fast, but I'm just saying).  Yesterday when I got off work I felt like butt.  Symptoms: nasal congestion, sore throat, sinus pain/pressure, nausea, cough.  I started researching meds online that I could take while breastfeeding.  Not many!  So I'm suffering on Tylenol, which doesn't do much. 

To make matters worse, Ava is on a kick of waking up every 2-3 hours in the night for the past 2 nights.  This past week she's learned how to babble, so when she wakes up in the night she just talks and laughs and chats with herself.  One time we laid her in her crib because she was keeping us awake, and she talked to the wall for 45 minutes, completely entertained.  I hope last night was the last night of this, and she'll sleep good again tonight.
 
This morning Ava was up at 5am (previously up at 3am and I put her back to bed at 3:45).  I felt like someone had kicked me in the head.  Oh I almost barfed.  Mike offered to stay home, which he offers often but I've never accepted.  Today I took him up on his offer.  He stayed up with Ava and I went back to bed until 9:30am.  It was awesome, just what I needed.  He went into work at 10 and I took over.  Today has been good so far.  Baby-world doesn't stop revolving, even when Momma's sick.  There are still bottles to scrub, clothes to wash, errands to run, diapers to change, mouth to feed, etc.  We have a weekend at home this week, so I'm hoping I can enjoy it!